How Not to be a Total Loser on New Year's Eve

Yes, New Year's Eve is the biggest party of the year and you're stuck at home again with Mr. Whiskers or even worse: staying home with your parents. While everyone else is living it up, you'll be watching the TV intently as Dick Clark is wheeled out of hibernation for his awkward yearly address to the nation.

As the countdown begins and the ball slowly drops into a frenzied crowd of revelers, you have the security of your sagging recliner and the comforting presence of store-bought guacamole on your lap. The crowd erupts as the clock reaches 0 and "Auld Lang Syne" rings out across the land. Though you briefly wonder why we don't use more Gaelic-based songs in celebrations, you quickly nod off to sleep with visions of couples kissing passionately in celebration - and perhaps for the first time. Maybe you'll peck Mr Whiskers on the head to mark the occasion, but probably not.

Admit it, you are being a loser. Try one of these exciting ideas to unloserfy (my own word) your New Year celebration.

One option is to invite your friends over to your domicile for a party. I use the term "friends" loosely of course as friends on Facebook and Myspace don't count. Sure you could go over to someone else's house, but most likely nobody really likes you.

Generally you'll have to bribe people to come over and there is no tool better to bribe than alcohol. Yes bribe with the promise to imbibe. And of course, there is only one real purpose why people drink to excess, and that is to find someone with whom they might have a romantic connection. Even if that connection ends sometime early in the morning on January 1st. So remember to invite people of different sexes and persuasions so everyone has a chance for a little bit of luck, heck maybe even you'll find some.

Ahh, so you don't have any friends, well at least none that want to hang out with you. It's okay, there is an activity for people like you. A place where the socially awkward can blend seamlessly into a massive herd of humanity. Attend a local, or perhaps national even, ball drop.

There is nothing as exhilarating as standing out in the freezing cold, waiting for a crane to lower a beach ball encrusted with Christmas lights. Yes, most likely the timing will be off, or it will get stuck, but you will be there witnessing history.

You see, ball drops were developed with social misfits in mind. Attending such an event, gives you the illusion of participating in society without really having to deal with anyone in particular.

So bundle up, grab a bottle of cheer (remember to hide it under your coat -maybe inside a paper bag) and head on out to your local square.

No, this does not mean calling an escort service. Of course, you could call one if you wanted, but we can't really condone that sort of fun here on hubpages. No, in this scenario you attend an upscale party or event which you have to pay to enter.

The beauty of these events, is locked in their economic exclusivity. Unlike the ball drop or the local bar which admits all matter of ruffians, you my friend will shine that night amongst your community's elite: those people that pay for company.

Of course, make sure you buy two tickets and invite that hottie from accounting to accompany you. Faced with your domineering social connections, he or she will have no choice but to spend the evening with you, dulling their boredom with champagne and dreading that kiss at midnight.

Of course you could try to do something interesting too. Climb a mountain, drive to the ocean, but go somewhere spectacular. There is a definite cool factor associated with climbing a mountain in darkness on New Year's Eve to catch the first sun rays of the New Year.

Take lots of pictures, post them on Facebook and show everyone how potentially interesting you are. Maybe next year, you'll have some actual people to hang out with. Even better, maybe you'll find someone to take on an adventure with you.

This page © Copyright 2011, Dan Human